
Grand Canyon

Life is fleeting, time can be cruel, money has wings——and in the end what matters most are the seemingly insignificant forgotten moments. It’s the ones who we surround ourselves with that matters, the ones who make us laugh at ourselves and help us to untether from this claustrophobic existence. Those honest ones, who in spite of ourselves cause us to wanna be a better person. But in the end we’re exposed as frauds and not what we had hoped to be.—- Hope is duct tape.
Unrealized dreams, fitful nights, trust betrayed, falling through that trapdoor in a used up life. Illogically, love is something that comes from nothing, like the meandering melancholy melodies of Chet Bakers trumpet on the tune “My Funny Valentine”.
How can something so simple tie knots in tangled hearts. How many lives are wrapped within one life. Ends become beginnings. Promises and vows are watered down “what use to be’s”. Sadly, there are no second chances, only the impulsive choices we must now learn to live with.
Loneliness makes its home in the heart of old loves that in time have become contrite.
Sorry I can’t make it to your mothers Celebration of Life event. This will be my final installment to Jeanne’s letter writing project. I hope she enjoyed the previous eight letters I sent to her while she was in the rest home. I hope they comforted her and made her laugh or perhaps cry—- my stories and words were intended to help her relive some of those good ole days we shared on Briar Lane. I can’t be there to tell my story in person, but if there is a place where pictures and such are being displayed, perhaps you can post this letter.
I’m going back, I’m going way back in time. Back to the 70’s. Back to when classic rock wasn’t something you now hear being played in the produce department of Safeway. There is something unsettling about listening to Van Halen “You Really Got Me” on the store sound-system as I watch an elderly woman examine the firmness of a zucchini.
No, I’m going back to when rock and roll was still rebellious and social networking was hollering out your car window at girls in their cars—I can still recall those hot summer Yuba City nights and that distinctive scent of rotten peaches lingering in the stale night air. It’s the end of August and another summer is slipping away. The sound of crickets, bullfrogs and a lone barking dog make up the evenings chorus. Thoughts of returning to school leaves me feeling flat and uninspired. This is the stuff that keeps a small agriculture town like Yuba City forever tucked away at the edges of my memories. We all carry pieces of our hometowns within us. Rainy days playing monopoly, making jokes to hide our insecurities, experiencing an awkward first kiss, playing baseball in a weed strewn field, climbing the levee for a swim in the the river——and coming to appreciate the value of being part of our Briar Lane gang——-where we made friendships to last us a life time.
Back then, on our block we played outside until it got dark or someone’s mom hollered “Supper time”. Yeah, “those were the days”. That’s what old farts use to say to me when I was a kid. I thought that was a bunch of nonsense, but now that I’m an old fart, I find myself muttering “Those were the days”. I suppose, ya don’t know somethings, until you’re ready to know them. Sometimes it’s too late——- and there’s nothing worse than being too late. Too late to share a morning walk, too late to share an evening sunset. Too late to share all those seemingly insignificant moments that comprise a lifetime. Too late to say the things you always intended to say. Things like, thanks for always being on my side, thanks for believing in me when no one else did——thanks for loving me—-cause that ain’t always such an easy thing to do——just ask my wife.
So there you lay and here I stand. Although you no longer inhabit your body and it no longer imprisons you——-I will always carry your voice and memory within me. Somethings are immortal. Somethings never die.
Jeanne——mother, wife, friend, neighbor, teacher, counselor, life learner, strong and courages, gone but never forgotten. And to you I proudly say—— “I love you”.
Victor S. Uriz II
Briar Lane Poet Laureate
Tell me daddy, what makes the sun burn so bright
Who turns on the moon, when it gets dark at night
Oh Daddy, what makes the wind blow
Who turns on the rain, who freezes the snow
Tell me Daddy, why’s the ocean so blue
Who decorates the flowers, with morning dew
Someday my son, you’ll be a man
You’ll see, it’s all part of a plan
What you take, and what you give
Gonna come back to you, in this life you live
Love is all, we came here for
Nothing less, nothing more
One day son, you’ll leave home
You’ll find love, and have children of your own
You’ll teach them all, all ya know
You’ll wish them well, then ya gotta let-em go
You can choose your friends, but not your family
So I guess I’m stuck with you, I guess you’re stuck with me
Someday my son, you’ll be a man
You’ll see it’s all part of a plan
What you take, and what you give
Comes back to you, in this life you live
Love is all we came here for
Nothing less, nothing more
I remember my first apartment. It never felt like home, it was sparse and empty. It smelled of stale cigarets and flat beer. But I needed to go there and find things out for myself. I had to rid myself of parents and daily routines of doing chores——that draining feeling of being someones child, being someones pride and burden. It’s an awful feeling of being young and realizing that you’re going nowhere fast. Failure is a brutal teacher.
I thought it was going to be a lot different. I dreamt that there’d be girls, all kinds of girls. Girls dancing with me in the dark, spending their nights in my ramshackle pad. I thought there’d be late night parties, beer for breakfast and never having to make my bed or mow my dad’s lawn. But mainly, it ended up being me and a couple of buddies sitting on my broken down couch, smoking pot and drinking the cheapest beer we could find.
We found out the hard way that the girls wanted boys with fancy cars and college bound incomes. They went for the boys who were going to Cabo for Spring Break and living off the money their parents gave to them freely.
Me and my buddies spent long nights hanging out in my dimly lit apartment. Our big plans veiled the fear that our dreams were like all those pretty girls, untouchable, just out of reach. And it ached deep down to watch them walk by, hand in hand with their privileged preppies. They left a trail of republican stench in their wake.
As for us, we were never going to comprises and end up working for “the man”. We were going to travel, see the world, have grand adventures and yes, we’d find carefree girls too. But we found out that everything had a price, everything cost money. The fast-food jobs sucked, and the jobs working at the Canneries were tedious, heartless and grueling. We were constantly being fired for showing up late, or being hungover and not showing up at all. We were expendable to “the man”. Our only refuge was the broken down apartment where we could exchange big ideas and plot out our untested futures.
But, this world is designed to castrate young men and squeeze every last drop of life out of them. They wanted us to be content working at their mindless, meaningless, soul sucking jobs that were designed to make us feel insignificant, replicable. Replaceable like a worn out part or broken piece of machinery. They enjoyed watching us fight each other over the table scraps they tossed us.
There would be a string of rundown apartments, quicksand jobs and that sound of silent screams of someone under water, someone suffocating. The American Dream was a con, a lost cause, a carrot dangling just out of reach, but close enough to keep us plodding along like dimwitted plow horses.
So, one day I woke up and I stopped trying to be something or somebody. I stopped, shook my head and walked away from it all, from the city and its constant drone of nothingness. Along with its horde of brainwashed proletariat working stiffs, who’s only purpose was to make the rich richer. They worked at dreadful jobs to pay the mortgage on houses they left empty so that they could go to work and pay their mortgage. They got loans to buy cars that they drove from home to work and from work to home in a vicious circle. It all seemed so senseless to me. There was nothing there for me. I had no use for that world that once left me feeling insignificant. I moved to the mountains and never looked back. I found purpose hiking in the woods and sharing sunsets and sunrises with fellow pariahs.
Like I said “I had to find things out for myself”.
Between two ticks of a clock
A baby inhales its first breath
Between two ticks of a clock
An old man exhales his last threats
Between two ticks of a clock
Lives may be changed, forever swallowed up
Between two ticks of a clock
Names and days may forever be forgotten
Between two ticks a clock
Someone falls in love for the first time
Between two ticks of a clock
Someone falls out of love for the last time
Between two ticks of a clock
Entire lives pass by
Between two ticks of a clock
Entire lives slip and lose their grip
Between to ticks of a clock
Everything can change
Between two ticks of a clock
Everything dangles in an abyss
Between two ticks of a clock
Anything and everything is possible
Between two ticks of a clock
Everything conspires into nothing
There’s no reward for a life well lived
There’s only the conquering of midnight thoughts and defeating those loathed barbed days
Inhale——-exhale——inhale——exhale——sigh
Time has sun baked our souls and left craters and wrinkles deep in our faces, that mirror like a river refuses to be damned or tamed——-inhale-exhale-sigh
Once young and untested she gave her body to me
I took it and imagined it would always be this way
But I was wrong, now-a-days the destination is seldom worth the journey—exhale-exhale-sigh
Were we ever that young, that hopeful, so foolish and immortal inhale-exhale-sigh
Love has a life of it’s own
It lives, it dies
No one knows its life span—exhale-exhale-sigh
It morphs into memories of sun kissed spring days
Time lays in-wait, slipping by, steadily unwinding
Self-doubt is contagious, and it will kill you
Just when you think you have it all figured out
It changes direction—inhale-exhale-sigh
No more listening to boring dweebs yammer on about their views, their values, their beliefs, their god—their rights
Nobody gives a shit about your petty proclamations, I said nobody, nobody cares asshole!—exhale-inhale—sigh
STOP! Stop blathering on about your politics, your Jesus, your conspiracy theories and the price of gas and how it was so much better back in the “good ole days”-inhale-exhale-scream!!!!!
There should be a little bit of nothingness in all our lives I’m talking about the nothingness that my lazy ass cat shamelessly flaunts She could care less about worries, victories or life goals She’s at her best when doing absolutely nothing She sleeps when she wants to sleep She eats when she wants to eat She yawns, stretches, then takes another nap in a sunbeam What others may think of her, does not concern her If you get on her nerves she’ll put her ass up in your face To remind ya who’s the boss She squints her eyes like Clint Eastwood, as if to say “kiss my ass” Woman are like cats, fickle, complacent, impossible to figure out and even harder to please A pissed off woman is a frightening thing There’s “mean” and then there’s “woman mean” They’re more interested in being right, than being happy You’ll never out-talk or out-argue a woman They’ll always get the “last word” They’ll smirk, pout and then vindictively proclaim “I told ya so” They find contentment in the nothingness that fills their nothing-less day It’s all too much, causing a man to mutter, stammer and cus under their defeated breath——sheeeet! But when a man needs a woman, he’ll act a fool You’ll see him heel at her side like an obedient dog on a short leash She’ll yank on that choker-chain every now and again to keep him in his place Men will connive, lie and feign politeness in a futile attempt to get into a woman’s heart—or more importantly, their pants So, ya buy them jewelry, take them out to dinner, comment on how beautiful their eyes are, how stunning their dress is All the while, she'll absentmindedly stare into her compact mirror Women's personalities are hidden, just like their women parts Men don’t understand how a woman’s body works Everything about it is a mystery It looks like a gapping wound that sometimes bleeds Nipples, breasts, legs The softness of their ass Where to start? What to do? It’s all to much for a simple man to grasp But grasp, they shall try—-and try, AND TRY! Women don’t have time for a man’s bullshit They have more important things to do They construct purpose out of life’s nothing-less—ness They fill every moment, of every hour, of each day with endless busyness They fabricate grand schemes Things they're determined to make men orchestrate Life becomes one long laborious “To Do list” To women, everything means something, especially the insignificant petty shit Wipe your feet, take out the garbage, feed the cat, cut the lawn, bring me my tea, it’s too hot, it’s to cold—-did you hear me? They somehow make babies out of their own flesh and blood Their bellies swell up to accommodate a parasite living deep inside their womb—— Men only know about the fucking part of making babies Men are happy in their nothingness Men’s body parts, are like their personalities, right out there for the world to see, compare and giggle at They grab at it to show dominance They believe theirs is bigger and mightier than anyone else’s They expect it to be worshiped and fawned over In reality, it’s the goofiest looking thing you’ll ever see And if they can’t find anyone to grab on it, they’ll jerk on it themselves I guess this is the way god planned it And what a sick sense of humor he must have
BROKEN WORLD, POETRY, PROSE, RANT AND RAVE, SLICE OF LIFE, TRUTH SCRAPS, UNCATEGORIZED, WEIRD WORLDLEAVE A COMMENTFreestyleLoveProseRelationshipsStream Of ConsciousnesVows
One of life's greatest mistakes Expecting to be loved Expect is a word best not attached to love There’s many versions of love Few are lasting, and even fewer are memorable Some covet it as if it were property Others wear it on their arm like a flashy bauble Or, proudly tattoo it permanently upon their skin Oftentimes vanishing before the ink dries At times it’s confused with sex You can have sex without love And you can have love without sex After all the gyrations and moaning Even if she lets you put it where you want? You’ll still need to find things to talk about at the end of a worn-out night Humor is the best aphrodisiac Honesty is the slipperiest of lubricants It's naively offered up with open arms Like a soon to be broken Vow Vows are for love-struck suckers It’s a fabled belief in security and sincerity Sometimes, it's a broken record that skips and pops All noise and no melody Like a sympathy composed for the deaf Most want love to be soft and tender Like sappy verses from a smarmy poem But it's none of those things It's a prize fight, a spectacle of blood, rage and courage It can suddenly switch from an endearing hug to an enraged choke hold It begins with a polite first kiss, ending up in a dark room that reeks of raw savage sex--that is--if you get lucky Yet, there are those rare flashes of something Some may call it love, but that's an over-used euphemism It stirs an ancient ache that resides deep inside us all Where does it come from? Why does it go? Who knows? It's a vexing enigma It comes with no warranties, no guarantees It’s fragile, so handle it with care If ya break it, you'll have to pay for it Once shattered, you’ll never be able to put it back together No glue or counseling can dull its painful shards Once the shelf-life has been reached You’ll need to decide——should it be thrown out? Or painfully watch it continue to curdle and sour Salmonella is a bad way to go The trouble with love—-is It’s what happens between life’s otherwise mundane moments It has no soul or conscience No sense of right or wrong It makes fools out of it’s gullible victims