relationships

Hard Learned Lessons

Those were the days, and we didn’t even know it

 Living in a hurry, I was racing to get through it

Thought I’d have time, to do the things I didn’t do

Now that I finally got it down, here’s what I want to say to you 

Thanks, for those hard learned lessons

To make a life and not just a living

To be kind to all, and stand up for the weak

Give smiles and handshake to all I meet

Everyday’s a blessing, and a gift

Don’t worry about tomorrow, or today you’ll miss

Thanks, for those hard learned lessons

To make a life and not just a living

Remember to give thanks, to the one above

Thank you mom, for all the love 

The way I remembered It

I don’t know how to put this, so I’ll just come right out and say it, You only get one precious life—-that’s it.  There’s no replays or second chances. That’s the way this thing life is designed. The days drift by as do the weeks, months and years. We treat time as if it were limitless. Sorry, but time is a clock that can never be rewound

The most precious commodity we are gifted with is time. Why do we waste it by allowing petty annoyances to consume us. We treat people as if they are replaceable, treat our bodies as if they are refundable, surrender our souls as if they’ll always be redeemable. 

I guess we weren’t so special after all

Sitting Indian style in the park

Face to face

On a warm summer night

And the crickets sang

Dogs chased one another in circles

We talked and laughed about everything

About nothing

You talked to me, as if you secretly read my journal

Like you knew me forever

Is this how forever feels

Buried bones, memories of love

Is the way I remember it, the way it was

Love, A Four Letter Word

Infidelity, what side of it are you on? Are you the cheater or the cheated? My best friend has been calling me and telling me how he is no longer in love with his wife. The situation is a bit of a cliche. He has fallen in love with his office mate. She’s half his age and very flirtatious.  She wears short skirts and tight blouses. When she bends over the file cabinet he swears he can see the full moon. He speaks about her as if she is an angel sent from heaven. The relationship has incrementally grown into a full blown affair. This is the stage where infatuation creates clouded choices and blind predilections. You begin to believe that you’re the first and only person who’s ever felt the adenine rush of being in love.  

He can’t stop speaking about her. “She’s sexy.” “She “gets me”.  “She’s my soulmate”. “I’ve never felt like the before”. “I’m going to marry her”. “She loves me, and I love her.” Warning, the word “love” can be a slippery slope. It’s frequently misused and means different things to different people. It’s malleable and disregards common sense. It’s a masquerade, a mirage. It’ll cause those old bones to rattle from a flood of testosterone. Before you know it, you’re ordering the old man’s drug “Viagra”. 

In the beginning you share life stories. You share dreams, aspirations and heartaches. She starts siting a little closer to you. She lets you smell her perfume. You nervously respond with grinding hugs and gentle caresses; incrementally crossing lines of appropriateness. You write one another passionate texts, sharing favorite songs, exchanging promises and intimate suggestions. You’re like a teenager discovering a fist love. The sky opens up and a choir sings. You get goose bumps just by holding her hand. The love songs on the radio seem to be composed specifically for you. 

It’s the small things that breakup a relationship. It’s the slow gnawing away of loyalty and trust. Love without trust leads to broken vows and broken hearts. You unwittingly become strangers to one another. Once you’er married the passion is consumed by the endless housekeeping tasks that need to be done. There’s no longer time for the fun things that hold a couple together. It becomes a business partnership. Everything feels like a chore. Bills need to be paid. The car needs fixed. The faucet leaks. The mortgage and home insurance are due. Sex is a routine that feels more like an obligation rather than an expression of intimacy.

Who’s gonna throw out the garbage? Who’s gonna do the laundry? Who’s in charge of the finances? Who’s gonna decide what’s for dinner? Who’s gonna do the dishes? Who’s gonna feed the dog? Everything seems to be collapsing and falling apart around you both.

The cute little chick at the office doesn’t have to share in all these boring mundane tasks. She doesn’t have to figuratively or literally scrub the stains out of your shorts. She keeps you hanging on by allowing you to play grab ass. Everything is fun and exciting. But beware, there ain’t no fool like an old fool.

Love, everyone wants to feel that way again. To feel alive and excited, to be touched and to feel the touch of another. How long should a love last? Does it have an expiration date?. In time, all those little annoyances accumulate into an excruciating sense of resentment. The romance is siphoned off as the hard-work of trying to remain in love with someone becomes fatiguing.

In time, your perfect lover no longer seems so perfect. They’re petty, selfish and predictable just like the rest of us. They’ll roll over and fart, they’ll wake up with bad breath, they make weird faces when having sex, their opinions are stupid, they dress like a slob on weekends, they no longer look at you with that look of excitement. The fuel of love sputters and evaporates. It feels more like a trap and less like a dream come true.

Just as it’s the little things that break up a relationship, it’s also true that it’s the little things that keep a relationship alive. As the saying goes, “love is a verb” it requires action. It’s wrapped up in all the little boring gestures like patience, forgiveness, understanding, listening, being heard and sharing in all the victories and loses that this life will dish out. 

There’s no counseling or magic drug that will resurrect a dyeing love. In the end, it’s up to you to decide if it’s worth it. Is it worth fighting for, or is it a lost cause?

In spite of the hazards, we still choose to fall in love. We dive in heart first into a lake of fire. In this crazy life we all crave intimacy over complacency. We all want to feel immaculate, sexy and valued by our partner. But we’re only human, with all of our flaws, faults and blemishes. It’s a package deal, you have to take the good with the bad, because that’s the way it is. Introspectively you ask yourself, does the good outweigh the bad? Are you expecting too much, or too little out of love?

In the end, love is having fun with someone, it’s that simple. It’s spending time with someone who make you laugh, who make you feel alive, who make you feel like you matter. Settle for nothing less.

I’ll leave you with a riddle.

You know why they call it love?

Because all the other four letter words are already taken.

Where No Ones Been

Where No Ones Been

When nothing seems to matter

And no one seems to care

Love leaves no trace

Autumn unfolds, naked and bare

What was it you said

As you turned and looked away

Come with me

Before we fall, and time fades away

Empty rooms

Empty space

No matter where I go

I always feel out of place

I know your scent

I know your skin

I know your touch

In those secret places where no one’s ever been

I swear I can hear your heart

I can taste your breath

If you’d only let me

I’d find you again between this life and death

Wherever you’d go

I’d follow you down

Through darkest of streets

Of the loneliest of deserted towns

Are you broken like me

Black and blue, painted sad

Letting go of all those little things

We could of had 

I know your scent

I know your skin

I know your touch

In secret places where no one’s ever been

Something

She was crying, crying so very hard, and it almost sounded the same as hysterical laughter——It was a sound steeped in deep emotions. Emotions are strange and uncontrollable but never wasted. She had the fading foundation of a woman who in her younger years was pretty, No, not pretty—-She had once been beautiful. She’s my Sad Autumn girl.
Getting older is rough, even more so for a woman. Losing ones attractiveness is a cruel trick of time. There’s no punch line, just laughter and tears——and we all live somewhere between the two?
Kindness is more attractive than beauty 
right there and then
I wanted to change my life
We all want to
We are all
Afraid to live
Afraid to die
some days leave us feeling like forever

Somedays will never be forgotten
somedays show us what we’re made of
It would take all my strength 
To beat back the darkness
When did it get to be so hard
Maybe nothing and no one changes
Or, maybe it’s only me who changes
I don’t really know anyone
Anymore

And no one knows me

I prefer it this way
I wanna figure it out
On my won
I miss everyone
Everything hurts
Nothings easy anymore
How do I carry on
I just want something
Something to hold on too
But something is so hard to find
I’m lost in the wonder of it all
and it makes me cry and laugh
living somewhere between the two

Twilight

Forever forgotten
an empty chair 
at silent dinner table
China ware frail
Showing tiny fractures

Pious Stained window
from the back pew
of a prayer worn church
contrition on aching knee’s 
Quiet sobbing in the dark
 
midnight cars meander
rolling by in the distance
aimless forlorn headlights

The lonely bark of a dog at 3:05 am
The measured ticking of a incessant clock
Flickering starlight 
from Dying stars
forgive-less moon
chasing Blind skies
Waiting on a tardy sun
birth of twilight 
Shadows cast from dim windows
across dark silent bedroom walls

Rain drops against window panes
endless November nights
They say the world spins
But I don’t know
What to believe 

We are given no reasons
Holy books and funny papers
Knowing, that there is, no-knowing
What’s reality, what’s illusion
What’s it matter
we all must walk through the fire
And we do our best
To carry on






Private Moment

I bet you been on the other side of this thing before, but never with me

take me up to your room, to all those secret places

Take me to where nothing else matters

Shut the light off so I can see you better

the streets are full of people who have dreamed of having you

but they will never see you the way I do

cause I’ve seen you in me, and me in you

and maybe thats love, or a private lie

gonna dream in fire, roll like thunder

live like a child, lost in the wonder

the way of love

the way of change

don’t take the risk

if you can’t take the pain

You’re my mirror and I’m your echo

the distance between us grows ever closer

I bet you been on the other side of this thing before

but never with me

water colors, roll down your cheeks

a portrait painted in tears

I’d trade it all, for a private moment with you

Let the sky fall

and castles crumble

love becomes the truth

when your pride is humbled

the way of love

the way of change

don’t take the risk

if you can’t take the pain

Soul Muscles

I wanted to be 
Understood
To be irreplaceable
But even the mightiest of loves
Is adrift between illusion and fantasy

The chasm too wide
The silence too deep

You wanted me to be whole
You wanted me to be confident
You wanted me to be stable
But I’m none of those things
I’m vulnerable, kind, sensitive
And there’s nothing worse then being gentle
In a world stilted on false bravado 

The world rewards 
Angry bitter people

Such people
Wear me out
Drain me
Suffocate me

I’d prefer my solitude

Ya see
To be a poet 
It requires that you have
Muscles in your soul

You told me to grow up
But I said why
The world’s full of fucked up grown ups

The road becomes too long
Time blurs
Love’s a vapor

I let it all go
I let you go
I was being dragged
So, I let it all go


Where You Are

We are all pilgrims, individuals on a journey, making our way between point A and point B.  We are not just travelers, we are solitary seekers, looking for a reason, a purpose and most importantly someone we might be lucky enough to call a friend.  The price of friendship requires that we reveal our secret flaws and hidden vulnerabilities in the hopes that in spite of these things, we will be accepted and understood. Because, to be understood is to be loved, and that is why we take such foolish risks—-Experiencing love is our reason and our purpose—-these things are beyond words, they are born out of fate. 

Where you are meant to be, is where you are.

Paint me Black

Paint me black
Paint me blind

There’s a sadness inside
Only you could find

 Love seems to me 
A half written song

Promises of forever sleeping 
Here then gone

I’m sorry for you
And all the things I’ve done wrong

Lets live, lets laugh
There’s no future living in the past

The song of silence
Erasing me from you

Pieces of nothing
Coloring me blue

Holding my breath
Counting to ten

Taking us to places
We’ve never been