Prose
Between Love and Disaster
Soundtrack by Ruston Kelly “Hellfire”.
This is your life, take it or leave it
Thru your tears and laughter
Were’e all just finding our way
Ya never know what ya got
Till you find out what you’re not
And most the time there’s nothing
There’s nothing there at all
Make your choice between love and disaster
This is your life, to use as you choose
There’s anger and there’s forgiveness
They’re both out there waiting for you
Grab a hold with both hands
Sometimes ya win sometimes ya lose
It’s no good to go it alone
Inside your soul make a home
Made of Glass and stone
Make your choice between love and disaster
This is your dream, to awaken
Watching your life unfold
Some give in, some give up
Trust your heart, trust your gut
Search the edges of your thoughts
What’s illusion, what’s not
Be careful what you’re chasing after
Make your choice between love and disaster
Reprieves And Lost Causes
Let’s get this straight, people who seek simple answers are stupid. The ones who say, “Just repeat this mantra, just take this pill, go to this church, become a vegan, do yoga, read this book, join this party, attend this meeting, be affiliated, be indoctrinated, surrender yourself to a cult, follow this preacher, prophet, shaman, sacrifice your individualism, follow these steps, support this program and on and on into perpetuation. If anyone offers you simple solutions to the myriad of life challenges, immediately run in the opposite direction. Nobody’s gonna save you———except you!
Get this through your complacent brainwashed mind, “Life ain’t simple and surely not easy”. It’s filled with tough decisions, difficult questions and complex choices. Furthermore, life is unfair. Innocent children unexplainably die while evil murders on death-row live out long heathy lives——it’s infuriating! These dreadful thoughts keep me up at night. What kind of god creates a universe that approves such horror, inequality——such depravity.
There was a time many years ago when there were only three TV networks to choose from (ABC, NBC and CBS). There were two types of bread, white or wheat. You were either a Chevy person or a Ford person. You were a Beatle fan or a Beach Boy’s fan. You either watch CNN or Fox News. There was a time when we only required one hour of nightly news to cover the local and national fresh batch of calamities.
Nothing is simple anymore. Is “more” always better? Maybe the Amish have it right with their horse-drawn buggies, silly bonnets and goofy black hats? Maybe enlightenment is more achievable for the Zen Monk living alone in a cave in the Himalayas, no distractions, no facebook, no TikTok, no porn. Is ignorance bliss? Was Socrates right when he said “unexamined life is not worth living”. Are the stupid people happier than the seekers? It’s so much easier to be stupid and happy rather than struggling to find yourself, to be “woke” (whatever that means?)
Now a days, we want to see, hear and know everything. We watch with glee as our heroes fall from grace. Does the tragedies of others make us feel better about our lackluster lives? Life is no longer lived, it’s processed, deep fried, homogenized, propagandized. We watch life through a porthole, secretly peering into others Social Network realities. We seek out others in an echo chamber that supports our beliefs. We’re overloaded with conspiracies, truthiness and artificial intelligence (oxymoron). There are now computer apps that can be programed to write college thesis papers, compose music and create original paintings. I don’t know what original means anymore. Is there an algorithm for originality? For beauty? For reality? For Love?
What’s real, what’s illusion. What’s true and what’s bullshit? It’s all up to you because the future is up for grabs. There’s no longer a truth filter or bullshit detector. We live in a world of contradictions and complications. I don’t know about you, but I’m pissed off. Why you might ask?
The rich pay no taxes while the rest of us fight over table scraps. Politicians sit on their asses and do nothing while our children are slaughtered in another mass shooting. We have resources to better feed and house the homeless but yet there are more starving people living on the streets than ever before. We have better medications available to save lives but pharmaceutical companies charge more than what the sick can afford. We have science that has revealed the imminent dangers of global warming, yet our governments and industries fail to implement changes that will reduce the greenhouse effect.
This one life given, should be better lived.
Sometimes it’s a curve ball
A dear John letter
A tire with a slow leak
A misfire
Ruble and ashes
Simplicity lost
Regretful goodbyes
Cold left overs
Prayers and futility
Unexpected farewells
Stained excuses
Potholes and apologies
Pretend love
Leached out success
Players and fakers
Listing ships
Death by loneliness
Silent betrayal
Orphaned dreams
Waiting on nothing
On no one
Self forgiven
Forgotten promises
Stubborn solitude
Watered down desire
Driving alone
Getting nowhere
Squelched confessions
July Snowstorm
Unhappy endings
Reprieves and Lost Causes
Love Is In The Small Things
I hold her hand
So nervous like the first time
She offers me a gentle smile
It hides a trace of pain
2 Days mean more
When they’e numbered
I can’t imagine my days Here
Living without her
3 She use to make my meals
Use to mend my clothes
Now there’s only shadows
Where she made a small house our home
4 The sounds of laughing children
Once filled these empty rooms
The best of times in our life
We danced and laughed and struggled through
Those were the days
Even if we didn’t know it
Love is in the small things
Seldom seen and often go unnoticed
1 She wants to walk in the garden
But her legs have grown weak
I help her to the window
She shuffles her feet
2 Holding hands in silence
Siting in the setting sun (ya see)
Love doesn’t belong
Only to the young
3 Sunday drives in the country
Picnics by the lake
It doesn’t seem that long ago
But time moves on, refuses to wait
4 Whispers a Hail Mary
Tells me there’s angel circling
She can hear them calling
Calling her name
5 I kiss her forehead, and say
If you must go, I understand
What will I do without my sweetheart
Who I shared my life, hand in hand
Those were the days
Even if we didn’t know it
Love is in the small things
Seldom seen or noticed
Life Without Love Is A Lie
I don’t wanna run, I don’t wanna hide
Finally found someone who made me feel alive
I don’t wanna waste, no more time
Life without you, has got me losing my mind
You got me running in circles blind
You got me crossing forbidden lines
I know we both, have are reasons why
But baby, this life’s too short to compromise
Can’t get you out of my heart
As hard as I try
Life without love is a lie
Every-time we say goodbye
I die a little bit more inside
I know we both feel the same way
I want you more than words can say
No one see’s, and no one knows
The pain we feel, as we’re letting go
No one wins, we both loose
The ones we love, isn’t who we choose
Can’t get you out of my heart
As hard as I try
Life without love is a lie
Grand Canyon
Who knows why anyone ends up where they do? Or, how well they do, whatever they do, once they get there?—-that’s an odd sentence, but I like it for some strange unknown reason. Odd things and people have always been good friends to me. Friends and family scatter, some are chasing something others are running away from something. But I suppose we’re all getting there—–wherever “there” may be? It’s hard for me to conceive that I’ve lived in Tahoe for 35 years—–and yes, where does the time go? Days go by like the raindrops that carved out the mighty Grand Canyon. Nature is patient, silent, unrelenting—-and unforgiving to those who might challenge her.
I noticed that I’ve used a lot of question marks in my prior sentences. As I’ve gotten older, I realize that I have a lot more questions than answers. Time is such an abused but precious commodity. I have to remind myself of that. I’m feeling a bit nostalgic, sentimental or just kind of self conscious. Sorry if I’m not making much sense, but as you must know, that’s nothing new.
The wind is howling outside my window, sometimes so hard that it shakes my house. It takes a lot to shake a house and even stronger forces to revive a love. I like the painting by Andrew Wyeth of the dog sleeping on the bed. I miss my old black Lab named Chase. Such a faithful friend. When all the world was too busy to go hiking, biking or whatever, I could always count on my Chasey-Boy to be ready and willing to go anywhere with me and I with him. Dogs are great practitioners of unconditional love. People should be more like dogs, but not pee on fire hydrants.
Give Yourself Some Room
Give yourself some room
Give yourself some space
This life’s a marathon
Not a foot race
Beware of fools and takers
Be your own best friend
It’s all about where you’re going
And not where you’ve been
Learn to love yourself
Find a way to make a home
Know I’m always with you,
No matter how far you may roam
Take your time
Don’t get in a hurry
Life’s to short,
To waste on fear and worry
Don’t be afraid to try
Be strong, be brave
Don’t feel alone
We’re all just, finding our way
Live out loud
Live wild and free
Don’t let anyone tell ya
Who or what ya suppose to be
Chase down every dream
Cause time flies by fast
Let go of your sorrow
Even the toughest of times will pass
(Repeat Chorus)
Duct Tape And Hope
Life is fleeting, time can be cruel, money has wings——and in the end what matters most are the seemingly insignificant forgotten moments. It’s the ones who we surround ourselves with that matters, the ones who make us laugh at ourselves and help us to untether from this claustrophobic existence. Those honest ones, who in spite of ourselves cause us to wanna be a better person. But in the end we’re exposed as frauds and not what we had hoped to be.—- Hope is duct tape.
Unrealized dreams, fitful nights, trust betrayed, falling through that trapdoor in a used up life. Illogically, love is something that comes from nothing, like the meandering melancholy melodies of Chet Bakers trumpet on the tune “My Funny Valentine”.
How can something so simple tie knots in tangled hearts. How many lives are wrapped within one life. Ends become beginnings. Promises and vows are watered down “what use to be’s”. Sadly, there are no second chances, only the impulsive choices we must now learn to live with.
Loneliness makes its home in the heart of old loves that in time have become contrite.
Music and Aliens
Thanks for taking the time to listen to my music. I don’t expect any great revelations or scathing critiques. It’s just nice to know that my music is being listened to by someone out there in that big ole universe.
Perhaps, once a sound wave of music is made, it goes off into infinity, passing by silent stars, forgotten planets and yet unnamed galaxies. Maybe an alien will come across the sound wave and find themselves happily tapping their foot to the beat—–wouldn’t that be nice.
Music is one of the few things that brings order to the chaos—-and for a brief moment provides refuge to the weary.
So my good friend, open up your ears and heart and take a peek at the sound of my soul……
P.S. I’m big on planet Zaltar—-ha ha
Choke Hold
You must transcend yourself to become a better person than who you are right now. Abandon old limiting thoughts, erase false beliefs, overcome compromising barriers. Never, never, never compromise your values, in the end they are what define you. Resign yourself to the fact that life is at times going to be hard. The greatest joy is in defeating the pain and suffering that will test you. Your power is in your persistence and perseverance.
Fall in love with each new day. Love it all. The hardship and the failures, because they are life’s most important teachers. Let fear be your fuel. The greatest dream crusher is fear. Welcome it in and then spit in its eye. It will try and stop you before you’ve even started. Realize you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Stop the cluttered thoughts. Have a clarity of mind. You are what you think—–what you think becomes what you do— and what you do becomes who you are. Your greatest adversary is so close, that you may not be able to see it. It is hiding in you. Conquer yourself and you’ll be rewarded by the universe. You will dane the dance of freedom.
Be mindful of your thoughts. Stay positive—-attitude is a choice. Surround yourself with positive people. Loser’s and complainers flock together to bolster their toxic energy—-such a waste of energy.
Don’t try, do!—–And then do it again—-and again and again. Don’t you dare give in or give up or allow yourself to sleepwalk through this one life you’ve been given. Life is short, it will try and turn a hug into a choke hold.
