Sometimes being alive is good enough. Breathing, walking, thinking, feeling—–waking to color, to sound, an awareness that I’m unexplainably here, a pulse circulating blood, air filling these lungs—-one more glorious morning—-(I mumble to myself) “how accommodating—-another day tailored to fit”—–I know such a statement must sound arrogant and self centered, but I take this life very personally. Maybe that’s being a success, just knowing that out of thin air we all walk this earth. This thing called gravity stubbornly holding all this shit together, only God could think up something so unimaginable as this. Gravity—like the grace of God holding us together. Planets circling suns, a black-hole in the center of our Milky Way Galaxy swallowing entire solar-systems whole, in one bite—– and then they too, are once again gone, into thin air—-hurled beyond this limited version of time and space—-everything spinning, tumbling, upside-down and caterwauling into eternity—-I feel your smile, and for that moment we’re eternal, twin evanescent souls dipped in heavens ebony well.
Come with me down to that old cemetery where on September nights we use to walk your dog, as this was the closest thing we had to a park beneath those tired Denver skies. After all, cemeteries are nothing more than parks for the un-living being re-remembered—no street lamps burning here, just the spine of the Milky Way bending over us. I’d watch your dog as he stared intensely into the blackness. I swear that he could see them frolicking and dancing about—free from the gravity of these earthly woes. The neighborhood is windy and dark—-the tree limbs moan and creek—- a damp fog crawls its way across the pointlessness of this American suburb—- there must be a God, cause even the stanchest atheist needs something to fill this landscape of loneliness. The bland rows of stucco track homes suck the life out of everyone and everything. There is no staving off Autumn now, even the hell-hounds in the distance howl in defiance of September’s grievous demands. The moon tags along, watching over my shoulder, reminding me that he too is a child of gravity.
I wish I were back home in California where the sound of waves pounding against the rocky Pacific coastline would put my jangly nerves at ease.
Life is a living thing that moves through us, from us and back into us, it’s everywhere yet inappreciable—-imperceptible. Hold on to it with all your might as it will roll over you, past you—– and then leave you in the park with the rest of the un-living, dancing to a choir whose voices only they can hear. No drug or drink can compare to being awake and walking out into the thin air. It is sustained by wonder, blind-faith and the gravity of grace. Everything collapses and then folds in on itself, where it leads from here, no-one knows for sure. So for now, we’re supposed to grow old.
One last time let’s hold hands and walk together under those big ole cemetery tress. We’ll kick a path through the dead dry leaves as the branches maliciously sway against the change of seasons.